


Gilderoy and the Marauders

by snapesgirl62



Series: Far, Far Away Series [1]
Category: Grimm's Fairy Tales, Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-02
Updated: 2010-10-02
Packaged: 2017-10-12 09:03:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/123202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snapesgirl62/pseuds/snapesgirl62
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A very cracky retelling of Goldilocks and the Three Bears with a side appearance by Little Red Riding Hood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gilderoy and the Marauders

**Author's Note:**

> Mild language, and one incident of a wolf eating a thief. Also, this has not been fully beta read. This was written to cheer up two ill friends. for _ky_ and the_minx_17 Part of the Far, Far Away Series.  
> Disclaimer: With all due apologies to JKR, Fractured Fairie Tales, and the Brothers Grimm, their various legal representatives, etc. This story was not written for monetary gain, it is meant as an effort in creative writing.

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there was a magical kingdom that was hidden from most of the world. Those who lived in this kingdom went to special schools to learn how to work the magic that came naturally to them. One of those citizens was a very special little boy. At least, he believed he was a very special boy. He had this conviction due to overly lenient parents who thought he was the best thing since pre-sliced bread, which only existed in the non-magical world.

One day little Gilderoy went for a walk. He wandered by the enchanted lake and past the dark forest that was forbidden to him. His parents told him the forest was filled with Dark creatures that did horrid things, like eat little boys who disobeyed the rules.

Now Gilderoy was a bright if self-centered fellow. He knew better than to openly break any rules. He was always careful to never be caught when he went exploring in the forest. This day was like the others. He looked high. He looked low. He looked behind him and round about before he ducked into the forest.

As he walked along, he hummed to himself. Mostly he sort of tunelessly hummed because while the boy had good looks and a charming smile, he could not carry a tune in a bucket. He met a man going the opposite direction. This fellow paused and looked Gilderoy up and down.

"Hello there, little fellow. Where are you going today?" His voice boomed, and echoed among the trees because he was a fairly big person.

Gilderoy stopped skipping along and looked up, and up, and up. "I am off to the market on the other side of the woods." He easily prevaricated with his most charming smile and award winning smile.

"Why are you going to market?"

"I have these magical beans to sell." He pulled a handful of dried beans from his pocket to show to the stranger.

"What sort of magic do they do?" The stranger bent down to admire the beans.

"Well, they will grow this bean stalk that will take you to the clouds where there is a castle that is guarded by a dragon." Gilderoy's voice warmed up as he told this story. Because he sensed he had a rube in the hand which was worth far more than a rube in the brush.

"I'll buy those beans from you here and now. How much do they cost? I've got three knuts and a sickle." The big man offered once he'd rummaged through his pockets.

"What a coincidence, the beans happen to cost just that amount." Gilderoy happily took the money and gave the almost giant the beans and hurried on his way. He was filled with glee since he now had more money than when he started out on today's adventure.

The sun rose high in the sky, and Gilderoy began to become hungry. He noticed an appealing aroma coming from his left. He followed the first path in that direction, pausing to sniff appreciatively. He soon saw a house at the end of the path. He noticed the place looked a bit shabby. However, the front door was wide open and the scent of food was coming from inside.

Gilderoy lightly knocked on the door frame and softly called out a greeting. There was no answer. He tip-toed into the entryway.

"Hello, anyone here?" He whispered while he peered into the parlour. There were two chairs, a settee and a dog bed in the room. Being tired after walking half the day, Gilderoy decided to sit and rest.

The first chair looked like it was covered in poufs making it look very appealing to a tired boy. He discovered it was far too soft. He actually had to struggle out of the chair. Moving to the settee next, he attempted to get comfortable on it. It was not only too hard, it made rude noises when he moved over its leather surface. He refused to be seated upon a dog bed since it might have fleas. Muttering complaints under his breath, Gilderoy tried the other chair. It was just right, making him sigh in contentment as he rested on it. He sat there considering the room. There were few decorations, a scattering of books and some periodicals, but nothing to tell him much about where the owners could be. He could still smell the delicious aroma of food, causing his stomach to rumble.

"Anyone here? Can someone bring a fellow a spot to eat?" He spoke a bit louder this time. Once more there was no answer. "What a lot of bother. I have to serve myself." He leveled himself up out of the comfy chair and stomped back to the kitchen. He clumped along, grumbling to no one about his being hungry and how it was not fair that he must serve himself.

He entered the kitchen found the source of the nearly heavenly aromas. There were three bowls of food set out on the table. He smirked in triumph at the sight and took a seat at the first, and largest bowl. Upon sampling the contents, he found it was far too hot and heavy with a spicy curry. He rushed to the sink, sticking his head under the faucet to drink heavily of the cold water.

Gilderoy was a bit cautious when he approached the second bowl, which contained vegetables or something like them. He took a very small sample of it then spat it out. This bowl was appallingly sweet. What sort of being would ever eat something that tasted so strongly of grass and honey? Shaking his head in disbelief, Gilderoy walked over to where the third bowl sat. This one contained a nice dark rich stew with melted cheese on top. He tasted it. He grinned widely, it was just right! He promptly took a seat and polished off every drop of stew in this bowl.

Once his tummy was full, Gilderoy realized he was ready for a bit of a lie down. He wandered through the house, searching for a place to rest. Deciding the settee would be useless, he walked upstairs. The first bedroom he came to had a large bed in it. He walked in then climbed up on this bed. It was much too hard and lumpy. It also reeked of dog. He dived out of the bed, beating wildly at his clothing to remove any potential passengers. He went to the next bedroom. This bed was a bit smaller. He climbed into it and almost sank to the floor. The bed was not just stuffed with something soft, it was too soft. Gilderoy struggled to clamber out of the bed. He was cursing under his breath when he wandered into the next bedroom. The bed was smaller. It looked normal. It smelled normal. He eased onto it, relaxing back with care. He sighed in relief. Not only was the bed comfortable, it was just right. He soon fell fast asleep.

The owners of the house came home from their outing. They were laughing and joking right up until they found the open door. This caused them to stop and look at each other in confusion.

"Pads, I thought you closed the door." Said the one with mussy hair.

"No Prongs, you left after me, so you closed it." Said a dangerously good-looking bloke.

"Did not. Wormtail, weren't you the last to leave?" Prongs demanded while entering their home.

"Yes, and I did close the door. Someone's been here. See? They've been sitting in our chairs."

"At least they didn't take a kip on the dog bed." Quipped Pads on his way to the kitchen. Their time out had made him hungry. He wanted his meal and hoped it had cooled off enough to be edible.

"Ha, ha, funny man. The door was left open. Where is Moony?" Prongs made this demand while following his friend to the back room. "It is the full moon today."

"Maybe he went out to rest after eating our stew? See, someone tasted mine." Pads pointed to the bowl with a spoon sticking out of it. "Must not have liked it much."

"They tried mine too and I think they spat in my bowl. How rude." Prongs took his bowl to the bin and dumped out his creation made of vegetables. He thought the person had shown good taste in not liking Pad's food. His however, had been a culinary master piece. "Such a waste," he mourned.

"At least they left you something. They took a taste of mine and ate it all up." Wormtail's voice was whiny and very annoying.

The others glared at him. They exchanged a look and rushed to the stairs. Perhaps the culprit was still in the cottage. Once upstairs, the two marauders went into the first room. Wormtail followed them at a slower pace.

"Looks like someone tried to take a kip in your bed, Pads."

"Indeed it does. Also looks like Moony was not here to try and eat them."

"You two can be so disgusting. Prongs, someone tried to sleep in your bed. I've told you it's too soft." Wormtail made this observation while looking at the deep impression left in his friend's bed.

The trio moved to the last room, taking care to be as quiet as a group of young males can be when they are in the mood for a fight.

"Why Wormy, some one has been sleeping in your bed and still is there." Pads commented as he leaned back on a wall.

Gilderoy woke up and looked about in alarm. His lovely hair was disheveled and he did not look very charming. He was no longer alone. In fact he found himself in the company of three desperate looking fellows. He jumped out of the bed and ran in fear downstairs, taking them two at a time. His flight was interrupted at the front door by the largest, darkest creature he'd ever seen.

A big, bad, mad and dangerous to know wolf reared up on his hind legs pulling Gilderoy down to maul him. He gobbled up the thief, leaving no trace of the intruder.

"Good boy, Moony, now where were you off to today?" Pads asked of the wolf. He received a loud burp in reply followed by the wolf looking a bit sheepish.

"Did you go off to Granny's house again?" Prongs scolded as he reached down to grab the wolf by the scruff of his neck.

The wolf whimpered once and tucked his tail between his legs.

"Moony, you know what Red carries in his basket gives you indigestion. You have got to swear off chasing after that bloke in the hood. Also, his Granny is not going to give you tummy rubs for rolling in her flowers. She will take a broom to you if you don't quit."

Before the scolding could continue, two men walked up the path to the shabby home. One was wearing a red cloak with a hood. His long lean legs were bare and he was wearing shoes with impossibly slim heels. His escort was a darkly handsome and muscular fellow wearing the uniform of an official.

"Good evening fellows. Red told me your wolf was off leash again." His voice was deep and smooth.

"Hello there, Kingsley. Moony's not been out of our yard." Pads smiled like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

"Not true, that shabby hound was after me again, shoving his nose up under my skirt and stealing Granny's food from my basket. Her petunias have been well and truly trampled." Red pushed his hood off, revealing sharp features that did not go with his shapely legs.

"Quit your sniveling, you like it when he tries to sniff your bits." Prong's face was a study in disgust. "Pervert, cavorting about the woods in a dress, luring off innocent wolves to do who knows what with them."

"Enough, I am not here to waste my time listening to the same tired excuses from you lot. I have some official business. There is a report of a young blond fellow selling false magical beans to unsuspecting half giants. Have you seen anyone new around today?"

"Nope, never saw a blond fellow in these parts."

"No, Sir, not seem him…want us to give you a shout should he turn up?"

Moony belched, licked himself in a place best not mentioned, then sidled up to Red, who smacked his long muzzle.

"Leave off my wench, he's not for your eating or other pleasure." Kingsley swatted the wolf on his furry rump before escorting Red away from the shabby cottage in the woods.

 _Moral of the story: Not only does crime not pay, it can lead to a very unpleasant demise._


End file.
